My Pants Are Haunted
By Jamie KellyBook - 2004
They were just a soft, ordinary pair of thrift-shop jeans until Jamie Kelly tried them on . . . Then they became a tight, scratchy, slightly smelly, and utterly ordinary pair of thrift-shop jeans with an embarrassing haunting problem. Do the pants have the power to soothe a vengeful beagle, vanquish The Prettiest Girl in the World, or make the wearer irresistible to the eighth cutest guy in the grade? Are the haunted pants so dazzling they can hurt and maybe permanently damage the eyes of onlookers? Or are the haunted pants just, well, haunted (which is kind of gross when you think about it)?
From the critics
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PHASES IN THE LIFE OF PANTS
PHASE 1: Brand new and in style. Happiest time in a pant's life. Wear at any time.
PHASE 2: Slightly out of style or with taco stain. Wear on Sundays only.
PHASE 3: Hole bitten out of fanny by dog or tailor. Wear only as part of Hobo costume.
“How Superheroes Make Money:
- Spider-Man knits sweaters.
- Superman screw the lids on pickle jars.
- Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.”
“I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.”
“Love makes the world go 'round but I'm pretty sure money has to do with it, too.”
“Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About:
- Titanic sinking again.
- Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda.
- Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.”
“I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building.
Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.”
“This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.”
“Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.”
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red_alligator_4472 thinks this title is suitable for 8 years and over
violet_jaguar_123 thinks this title is suitable for between the ages of 5 and 13
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